No, just a regular mistake

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Kif, I have mated with a woman. Inform the men. Quite possible. We live long and are celebrated poopers. Hello, little man. I will destroy you! OK, this has gotta stop. I’m going to remind Fry of his humanity the way only a woman can.

Hello, little man

Oh yeah, good luck with that. No, just a regular mistake. I love you, buddy! Say what? You wouldn’t. Ask anyway! It’s just like the story of the grasshopper and the octopus. All year long, the grasshopper kept burying acorns for winter, while the octopus mooched off his girlfriend and watched TV. But then the winter came, and the grasshopper died, and the octopus ate all his acorns. Also he got a race car. Is any of this getting through to you?

You wouldn’t be there

Ah, the ‘Breakfast Club’ soundtrack! I can’t wait til I’m old enough to feel ways about stuff! Okay, I like a challenge. Yeah, lots of people did. Guards! Bring me the forms I need to fill out to have her taken away! I saw you with those two “ladies of the evening” at Elzars. Explain that. I found what I need. And it’s not friends, it’s things. Oh, how awful. Did he at least die painlessly? …To shreds, you say. Well, how is his wife holding up? …To shreds, you say.

You wouldn’t. Ask anyway! You guys realize you live in a sewer, right? I don’t want to be rescued. Bender, this is Fry’s decision… and he made it wrong. So it’s time for us to interfere in his life.

Shut up and take my money

Dissect its brain!

That’s right, baby. I ain’t your loverboy Flexo, the guy you love so much. You even love anyone pretending to be him! Doomsday device? Ah, now the ball’s in Farnsworth’s court! You know the worst thing about being a slave? They make you work, but they don’t pay you or let you go. I don’t want to be rescued. Who am I making this out to? OK, if everyone’s finished being stupid. One hundred dollars.

For the last time, I don’t like lilacs! Your ‘first’ wife was the one who liked lilacs! And remember, don’t do anything that affects anything, unless it turns out you were supposed to, in which case, for the love of God, don’t not do it! Five hours? Aw, man! Couldn’t you just get me the death penalty? I’m a thing. Bender, we’re trying our best. Ah, computer dating. It’s like pimping, but you rarely have to use the phrase “upside your head.”

You can crush me but you can’t crush my spirit! Shut up and take my money! No, just a regular mistake. Well, let’s just dump it in the sewer and say we delivered it. Bender, we’re trying our best.

Belligerent and numerous

I usually try

Can I use the gun? I wish! It’s a nickel. Hi, I’m a naughty nurse, and I really need someone to talk to. $9.95 a minute. Enough about your promiscuous mother, Hermes! We have bigger problems. Why would I want to know that? So I really am important? How I feel when I’m drunk is correct? Noooooo! They’re like sex, except I’m having them! Bite my shiny metal ass. Belligerent and numerous. Just once I’d like to eat dinner with a celebrity who isn’t bound and gagged. You, a bobsleder!? That I’d like to see! Why yes! Thanks for noticing. I haven’t felt much of anything since my guinea pig died. You guys go on without me! I’m going to go… look for more stuff to steal!

Oh, how awful

Okay, it’s 500 dollars, you have no choice of carrier, the battery can’t hold the charge and the reception isn’t very… Then throw her in the laundry room, which will hereafter be referred to as “the brig”. And yet you haven’t said what I told you to say! How can any of us trust you? And I’m his friend Jesus. Oh, how awful. Did he at least die painlessly? …To shreds, you say. Well, how is his wife holding up? …To shreds, you say. Tell her you just want to talk. It has nothing to do with mating. I found what I need. And it’s not friends, it’s things. For example, if you killed your grandfather, you’d cease to exist! I feel like I was mauled by Jesus.